My phone rang early this past Friday morning and it was one of my dearest friends. She was navigating an awkward situation and she wanted to talk it out with someone. I poured a second cup of coffee.

As she spoke, I got really into it and it wasn’t long until I had lots of thoughts and feelings. You know those really funny dating stories that’s only funny in retrospect or as long as you’re not the one experiencing it? It was one of those.

Full of the feels. I peppered her with questions and asked if she wanted my opinion and she said; “Yes! That’s why I called”! So, I rattled off my thoughts and we discussed an “action plan”. In the end she determined a way to handle it differently and better suited than what we had discussed. I was proud of her courage and I sent her a text later that said: “I’m sorry if I pushed too hard” followed by a heart emoji. She responded with: “No, it was a good push” and more emojis. We were good. It means a lot to me that she would trust me with her stuff. This is for sure a two-way street. I’m what’s called an external processor which might be the understatement of the century. I get invested and have no problems going deep.

For years, some friends and I met at the same place every Tuesday evening for their $3 a glass wine specials. We’d all show up after work or yoga class or getting dinner on the table and would stay until we had solved all the world’s problems for the week. We simply called it “wine night” and it was sacrosanct. Wine night still happens, but I’ve since moved and I can’t be around that table as often as I’d like.

I get sad when I hear women say; “Oh, I don’t trust women, I’m only friends with men”. Or worse, that they don’t feel as if they have friends at all. This is heartbreaking. Life happens, and people are hard. I have firsthand experience with friendships that wax and wane and shifted as life took us in different directions. I have been “friend-dumped” and one friendship ended in such a fire-ball blaze of glory, it was practically comical. It isn’t always pretty, but it is worth it.

Solid, no-drama, friendships are more than a source of joy, they’re a source of growth. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t have done half of the best things I’ve done, without the push and encouragement of my friends. Travel, school, running, moving, writing, reconciliations and I am sure, so much more. Much like Ruth and Naomi, David and Jonathan, and Moses and Aaron, their faith and confidence held hope on behalf of the other and taught grace.

Brené Brown, Ph. D., LMSW is a research professor at the University of Houston. She states: “A connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

Friendship is a place where real care is extended, along with steady reminders of your identity, and challenge to pursue what makes you come alive. Friends make us better or worse and being selective with your relationships tend to become more intentional over the years, and for good reason. It's been said that the five people closest to you shape your success, your interests and much more about you, maybe even more than we realize.