This post is a little bit different from what I usually like to put out there, but as we are entering Mother’s Day weekend, consider this a giant high-five to the “childless” among us. To the mother figures, teachers, aunts, grandmas, mentors, stepmoms, or any woman who plays a special role in encouraging, inspiring, and loving children you didn’t give birth to, know that you are seen, valued, and an integral thread in the fabric of your community.

Through various experiences, I learned long ago that I could love and have a maternal presence in the lives of children I had not given birth to. As a student, I nannied and babysat and truly loved those in my charge. Later, I served as a youth pastor and enjoyed being engaged in the lives of my students, especially in those formative teen years. When my niece and nephew were born, I immediately fell in love and was obsessed with those babies. Even though they are almost teenagers and I live far away, we maintain strong relationships.

Because of these earlier relationships, when I met and married Jacob, I knew “his kids” would become “our kids,” and I could fully open my heart to them. Conversely, I am so thankful for the places in their hearts they have opened and invited me into. This mutual exchange allows for relationships that go beyond the superficial. As a somewhat new stepmom, I’ve researched and tried to find resources to get support in this role. I was surprised by the lack of content available for women such as myself. By that, I mean, those of us who actually don’t hate their kid’s bio-mom and who are doing this relatively drama-free. It’s been a bummer to find this space is marked by so much pettiness and negativity.

If you are needing some perspective and help with reframing this weekend, here’s some (hopefully) helpful nuggets:

You don’t have to be the real mom to make a difference.
Trust that when you offer your unique gifts and insights, they are not less than but additive.
When a kiddo in your life invites you to listen, know there is a reason they are sharing with you, rather than someone else, for that moment. Remember that trust is precious and can easily be broken.
Show up at their events and activities as often as you can. Know that your presence is valued and makes a difference. When a child has a loved one show up for them who doesn’t have to be there, it is extra meaningful.

I know many amazing women who, either by choice or circumstances out of their control, do not have children. Some are thrilled about it, while others are devastated. Some women, like me, have simply accepted it as our path. Regardless of how any of us arrived at this “childless” station in life, the value we get to bring to the kiddos we love is priceless. Be gentle with yourself and proud of your influence this Mother’s Day weekend. Know you are a part of it too—even if it doesn’t always (or ever) feel that way. From one “childless” woman to another, thank you for your relentless, breathtaking commitment to motherhood.