Jacob loves it when I share stories from my long, drawn-out, single days. They crack him up. The apps, the dates that went well, and, most entertainingly, the dates that went hella wrong. From dating a professional gambler to the guy I first met as a bridesmaid in his first wedding, and from my next-door neighbor (never a good idea) to the guy shopping next to me in the dairy section—and us deciding to go out right then and there! If you are in the dating scene long enough, you’ll experience loads of ridiculousness during your time in the trenches.

Jacob married for the first time at twenty-two, whereas I was thirty-nine when he and I married. Understandably, we came into our marriage with wildly different adult dating experiences. Despite having gone through a divorce, he was far less jaded.

Following some pretty devastating heartbreak in my twenties, my toxic trait was that I was a serial, monogamous crusher. I would identify someone as a potential love interest and keep my heart on hold for them for far too long, despite zero evidence of any reciprocating feelings. Then, for the guys who were into me, I determined there must be something wrong with them and never gave them a fair chance. I couldn’t fully articulate any of this at the time; this is just the self-awareness of hindsight speaking, but it was mostly a mess and a total avoidance of real intimacy. It went on and on and on that way . . . until it didn’t.

I am so grateful to be out of the dating scene. I was never good at it, and honestly, on most days, I still can’t believe I found a decent guy to go through life with—let alone “my person.” Over five years together and nearly three years married, I remain bowled over by my good fortune. He makes me better.

What now makes me a massive hypocrite is that I tell my step-kiddos to not overthink dating and simply have fun with it. “Hold it all loosely,” I say. Haha! Never have I ever held one thing loosely in my life. Overthinking is what I do best. But for those of us raised with a certain flavor of evangelical Christianity, especially during the days of *I Kissed Dating Goodbye (a philosophy-turned-book by Joshua Harris), there were a lot of expectations on placed on finding a mate and a perceived sense of achievement awarded to those who did early on.

The stakes felt so high, and that pressure also produced thoughts, such as, Am I missing something super obvious to everyone else? I still don’t know why things happened the way they did. There wasn’t some magic button I pressed or a potion I drank or a five-step process I completed. It simply happened, and for that, I am grateful.

I remember many years back, as I met with a friend who had recently married, she looked at me and said, “I wish I had known there was still plenty of time.” It was as if she was letting me know that I hadn’t missed it or messed something up. Or, even if I had, it was okay; I hadn’t missed my only chance.

Epiphany: It’s never too late.

*Joshua Harris reflects on the impact of the movement he created